Practicing Radical Self-Love and Self-Care
This might sound like a sad blog at first, but I promise it gets better. If you just want to skip to meat of the blog, scroll past this introduction. If you want to understand the purpose and motivation of this blog, keep reading.
Introduction
I just finished my first semester back at Sacramento State after a long hiatus and boy did I have a lot on my plate. Between taking 15 units, working 40 hours, trying to keep up with my photography clients and still squeeze in a personal life, I didn’t leave much room for me time. I’ve always been an over achiever, but I especially like to stay busy if I’m going through something. I’ve spent the last two years completing community college requirements for my Business Administration degree while again still trying to work full time, run a business, and have a social life, but I was also grieving the loss of my mom. The same month she passed away was the same month I started school again, and I’ve been on autopilot ever since.
In the midst of trying to drown my grief with a busy schedule so I don’t get lost in my thoughts, I realized I was starting to struggle with my self image and outlook on life. I gained a lot of weight because, well.. I love food and sweets and who doesn’t like to eat their feelings?! But I also started to judge myself when my clothes didn’t fit anymore and when parts of my body started to look more round than usual. In addition to a diminishing body image, I felt a lot of fear and anxiety over the “what ifs” of the world, especially health related, and I felt alone due to a lack of community.
In an effort to change my reality, I started to make small adjustments like practicing positive self talk, attending local networking events to meet likeminded people, nurturing my friendships, and even prioritizing the gym I’m blessed to have at work. But when I started learning about radical self-love and self-care (and so many other amazing topics!) in my women and gender studies class, I learned how important it is to give yourself the most authentic love you have to offer. I also learned that self care isn’t just about pampering yourself at the nail salon, it can be about making a difference in your community and fighting for the greater good of the people. In a sense, this blog here is self-care because I get to share what I learned with you in hopes that something will resonate with you and impact you in a positive way. I want you to learn to love yourself more deeply, and let that love overflow and spread to those around you.
What is Radical Self-Love?
One thing that I learned that really stood out to me was the idea of radical self-love which is more than self confidence or thinking highly of yourself. “Radical self-love is deeper, wider, and more expansive than anything we would call self-confidence or self-esteem…Including the word radical offers us a self-love that is the root or origin of our relationship to ourselves” (Taylor, 2021). Being confident and accepting yourself is a step in the right direction, but it can’t take you as far as radical self-love. In Sonya Taylor’s book, The Body is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love, she describes self-acceptance as something that can be done reluctantly and what we feel we have to do since we can’t change ourselves (Taylor, 2021). It’s dependent on ego and can fade away. It’s almost as if we’re giving ourself the bare minimum of love we have to offer instead of doing it enthusiastically. There is true power behind fully embracing and celebrating every aspect of yourself because in a social media centered society, it can be easy to let beauty standards blur our self-image. Think of radical self-love as a superpower. Not only will it help protect you when dealing with societal pressures to look or be a certain way, but your deep and genuine love for yourself will inspire others to do the same and will inspire you to help others feel like you do.
How to Practice Radical Self-Love
Radical self-love doesn’t come naturally, you have to practice it everyday and be mindful of your thoughts. One important aspect of practicing radical self-love is eliminating negative self talk. Personally, that’s something I can say I’ve struggled with. It’s easy to say negative things nonchalantly and still believe that I love myself; but I would never say those things to someone I love, so why would I say it to myself? “Our inherent sense of radical self-love doesnt speak to us with cruelty or viscousness. Radical self-love does not malign our gender, sexuality, race, disability, weight, age, acne, scars, illnesses. A world of body terrorism that impugns us because of our identities is the only thing that would dare speak to us with such malice.” (Taylor, 2021) Our negative self image doesn’t come naturally, we weren’t born hating ourself. We live in a world full of comparisons that cause us to obsess over our perceived “flaws” and feel less than the next person. To combat that, we must drown out the noise of society’s body standards, train our mind to practice positive self-talk, get comfortable in our skin, and lead with compassion.
While it’s easy for me to ignore negative things people may think of me and easy to have compassion, as mentioned in the introduction, I was struggling with positive self-talk and being comfortable in my skin. One thing I did to improve my thoughts of myself and to get comfortable in my skin again was to take creative portraits of myself. For my women and gender studies midterm, we were tasked with a Self-Care Project of our choice which we had to practice for 14 consecutive days. As a photographer, I wanted to give myself space to be creative and have fun while trying to practice what I preach to my clients. My greatest mission in photography isn’t just to capture special moments, it’s to uplift others and remind them how perfectly unique they are. Seeing yourself in a positive light from someone else’s perspective feels so good, but imagine the power of seeing your perfection from your own perspective?
My 14 Day Self-Care Project
Now I know I said I wanted to get creative and have fun with my self-portraits, which I did, but not every night was like that. Some nights I didn’t have time to set up a backdrop, lights, props, do my hair, put on a cute outfit, etc. Some nights I took messy haired selfies at 1:00 am to stick with the project and left it at that. I really enjoyed the nights I got creative and ended up with some really cute photos, but I also was able to appreciate the nights where I looked less put together. Instead of seeing the bags under my eyes and messy hair as flaws, I saw them as signs of hard work and persistence. I was still proud of the woman I saw because I know how hard I work each day and I know that my vision for myself is greater than any negative thing I could think about myself. For the nights I had extra time, I was resourceful and used my bathroom as my photoshoot area. That might sound funny, but I have a cute shower curtain with earthy tones and plants on it, colored lights and a ring light, and plenty of actual plants to add to represent my self-proclaimed green thumb. I played around with the different light colors and got a tase of how my clients feel in front of the camera. It was so much fun!
If you’re interested in taking self-portraits to improve your self-image, you don’t have to have a fancy camera or professional lights; just prop your phone up near a window, let the natural light radiate against your skin, and have fun with some poses. Don’t worry about getting the perfect shot, just practice being kind to yourself and have a good time!
Self Care Is More Than Just Pampering Yourself
When you think of self care, you probably think of nail salons, massages, or even just a day lounging on the couch watching your favorite shows. While it can be those things, it can also be bigger than that. Self care can also be interpreted as fighting against injustice and making a difference in your community. In Inna Michaeli’s, Self-Care: An Act of Political Warfare or a Neoliberal Trap, she describes things like trips to the hair or nail salon or taking yourself on a shopping spree as neoliberal traps because they’re rooted in a desire to be attractive for men. On the other hand, self care as an act of political warfare is described as activism and fighting against a world full of racist, sexist, and classist beliefs. “Self-care in a world that denies you care means revolting against the unequal distribution of life and death, health and illness, well-being and suffering,…and other systems of domination and exploitation” (Michaeli, 2017). This blog and my endless mission to make women and people in general feel good about themselves is my act of political warfare. In a patriarchal society centered around the male gaze and and Eurocentric beauty standards, I want to do my part in helping others discover their radical-self love so they can become the best versions of themselves.
Here are some photos I took throughout my 14 day project. If you decide to start your own self-portrait/self-love journey, tag me in the posts on instagram @malikadanae_photography so I can cheer you on! :)
References
Michaeli, Inna. “Self-care: An act of political warfare or a neoliberal trap?” Development, vol. 60, no. 1–2, Sept. 2017, pp. 50–56, https://doi.org/10.1057/s41301-017-0131-8.
Taylor, Sonya Renee. The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love. Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc, 2021.